I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
