i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
