Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
