WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
