you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
