Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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