I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
