im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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