I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
