It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
