he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
