she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
