Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
