Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
