There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
