Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
