Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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