Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
