my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
