Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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