I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Still dying that you shit outside
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
