apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
