I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
