what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
