I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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