I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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