So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
third nipple confirmed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
