so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
