..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think my vagina is haunted
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
