so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
