Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
