I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
