So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
