I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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