Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
