I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
