I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
