are you still at the devil's house?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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