he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
