sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The power of my boobs compel you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
