Sry I called you an 8
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
