This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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