I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
