my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
