are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
