What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
