I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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