Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think my tv is drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
