I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
