just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
