Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my sisters under your porch take her home
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
