Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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