my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
